Someone gave me good advice today. All I could think while she spoke was "of all the infinitesimal situations that comprise life, how could it be possible to extract a sense of what is right to do in any given moment?"
I listened, and nodded, and cried. Willing myself - so hard - just to be able to retain what she said:
"Try to find ... the ability to seek out... lessons from past situations... can teach... right for you now..."
"The diagnosis ... you are confused... use the internet... support yourself."
"We wait for the feeling to appear... move us into action... seeking... the action can give way to the feeling"
I know I won't hold onto this. It's not in my nature. The lessons life teaches me surpass articulation and concretisation. Still in this moment there is some solace. A glint. The internet.
"Get the fuck up
and get out
of my
house!", he
shouted -
without
saying any--
thing at all.
Inaction
mobilised
me into
nothing.
I let myself
wither, make
it to the cusp
of dying, only
to pick myself
up and wither
again.
I am not
made for this.
Perhaps life
would be
simpler if I
settled for
what I
should
have been.
But true faith
is in the
unseeing
of things -
it is im-
possible
to go back now.
Unsee all the
unseeing,
taking the leap
of faith
into a known
nothingness.
Is it faith if
you know
exactly what
it is?
I got up, and
got out. But
not because I
wanted to
bad habits over-
ride intuition
like the quiet
violence of
dreams
silently
rediscovering
the ordinary
in the face
of nothing
describing
a struggle
that is
endless -
ah, that is
ordinary.
That is ordinarily
yourself.
I got the fuck up
and got out -
but I also never
left.
Joy's rhythm
taps out of
my finger
tips
and
hips
Warm fuzz
erupts in
the centre-
fo-ld-s
of my belly
What is this
ecstacy -
explosions
of bright blue
and fuchsia
behind my
eyes
Majestic
creatures
on sleighs,
afloat but
moving
faster than
a thousand
light years
compressed
into a second
An eternity
this
pure
bliss
blessing
a soul
that moves
and
moves
and
moves.
There is no
stopping
this spirit
from expanding
its tender,
petals
to meet
on the
other side
of the
earth
and in
unison
rejoice
in the
soft song
of
true,
true,
oh so true,
love.
